Healing & Allowing Myself to Be Human
During the summer, I wrote a post about the beautiful opportunity I had witnessing a Divine Healing at a Total Energetics seminar. It was a profound experience that still remains with me to this day. So, it should be no surprise that tonight, upon attending a Total Energetics event called The Sacred Space, I expected to experience – or, at the least, observe – more transformative healing such as I witnessed that day.
Now, I’ve written in the last few posts here about how I’ve been moving in and out of a funk since just before the holidays – and more specifically, a feeling of deep restlessness and questioning (of myself, of God, and the Universe) these last few days and weeks. Today, however, I was moving through a deep sense of anger. I felt disconnected from God (for myself – not for others) and I was rip-roaring angry. I felt abandoned, betrayed, and hurt. Yes, I may be a medium and be able to connect with Spirit, but I am also human, and was moving through some very human experiences. 😉
During the event, we were guided through a meditation, to think of a person or something we loved and cared about deeply. For me, that was easy – it was Kelly. Animals are such perfect examples of unconditional love . . . and for me, when I’m having a tough moment or day, Kelly is my “WHY.” She’s the reason why I keep going, putting one foot in front of the other, even in the most extreme challenges. So when I thought of her love for me, and my love for her, during the meditation, tears began to flow. I might not have felt connected for myself, but through Kelly and her love, I suddenly remembered – and more importantly, felt – that connection to the Divine.
Then, upon completing the meditation, to watch as seminar attendees were moving through their healing experiences, I could feel my healing and connection increasing tremendously. Witnessing as individuals allowed themselves to let go, release, and – in many cases – be guided to the floor to lay down, integrate the healing, and fully surrender to the Divine . . . something was deeply touched within me. Upon experiencing my own personal healing, my head and heart felt free and so much lighter, although I will admit that my stomach felt nauseous as my ego and fear battled to hold onto control. But with Dr. Norm’s guidance, I was able to ask myself, “Are you willing to let go and surrender a little more?” And I kept repeating that, until the nausea had lessened and subsided entirely. I know I still have some inner work to do – as far as trusting and completely surrendering (for myself – it’s so easy for my clients and friends! 😉 ) – but I am so much more willing, ready and able to do the work than I was before I walked in the door for the seminar.
The funny thing is, up until the beautiful evening I spent in “The Field” last Friday, I would have beaten myself up with the thought of, “You’re angry at God, you’re feeling disconnected – what a fraud you are! How inauthentic, calling yourself In Touch with Spirit! You’re a fake!” But what I learned through that event – and was reinforced tonight – was that I am not being a fake or inauthentic . . . I’m being truthful, honest, and “real”. I’m giving myself permission to be human, and to question and be emotional. Today, I think, was the first time (that I can remember, anyway) where I didn’t go to the space of beating myself up for feeling what I was feeling. And that, my friends, is a huge sign of progress. 🙂