“Can’t I Just Be a Muggle?!?”
I keep reminding myself that I am “exquisitely sensitive,” and that difference does not equal something “bad”. Of course, on days like today, when I find myself crying at the drop of a hat (almost from the moment I woke up), my sensitivity does not seem so exquisite or like a gift. Which is why I found myself crying to my therapist this morning:
I want to be normal, for once in my life. Can’t I just be a Muggle?!?
(For those who are not aware, a Muggle is a term from the Harry Potter series, meaning a non-wizard or non-magical person.)
I said it in a joking way, of course, and we had a good laugh about it. But in that joke, there was part of me that was somewhat serious. Even since I was a child, I’ve always felt “different” – although the reasons for my feeling different have . . . uhh . . . differed, over time. 😉 And the truth is, I never really liked feeling different; I always viewed it as a sort of curse, like something was wrong with me. So of course, that idea has arisen repeatedly in therapy, and is something I’m working on accepting about myself.
Ultimately, I do recognize my sensitivity as a gift and actually like being a non-Muggle. But sometimes it’s nice to dream . . . even if it’s in Harry Potter terms. 😉